專(zhuān)家指點(diǎn)：一篇SAT作文修改與評(píng)點(diǎn)
SAT作文是SAT考試的一個(gè)重要組成部分，也是最為關(guān)鍵和最難的部分，它直接考查了學(xué)生對(duì)語(yǔ)言的運(yùn)用能力。SAT作文的關(guān)鍵是運(yùn)用大量的例證說(shuō)明問(wèn)題，而好的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾同樣會(huì)為你掙得更高的分?jǐn)?shù)。下面我們來(lái)看一篇學(xué)生的習(xí)作，老師對(duì)他的每一段多做了修改和點(diǎn)評(píng)，提出了很多寶貴的意見(jiàn)，大家可以參考一下。
Truth is not objective
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below:
Akira Kurosawas film masterpiece Rashomon portrays several people who have witnessed a death. As each observer recounts the event as he or she witnessed it, we come to realize that each persons story varies greatly from every other account. Watching the movie, we reflect that the truth of an experienceand perhaps all truthis different for each person.
Assignment: What is your opinion of the claim that truth is not objective, but rather is determined by each individual? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
習(xí)作修改
學(xué)生習(xí)作
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. However, is it possible that what we take in by eyes or ears, in another word, what we regard as truth, are not objective?
語(yǔ)言修改
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. Is it possible that what we see and hear, or what we regard as the truth, is not objective?
本段評(píng)點(diǎn)
這個(gè)開(kāi)頭避免了許多習(xí)作簡(jiǎn)單重復(fù)題目的缺點(diǎn)。而且舉出了法庭審訊這個(gè)場(chǎng)景，然后提出了一個(gè)問(wèn)題，這兩個(gè)手段都能激發(fā)讀者閱讀的興趣，而且顯得與眾不同。
學(xué)生習(xí)作
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff took his departure after his eavesdropping Cathys dialogue with another woman. He heard part of the dialogue, in which Cathy appeared to be so vain that she regarded marriage with Heathcliff as adjective. From Heathcliffs angle, we truly recount the event as he did and feel sorry for him from bottom of our hearts. But look at the other side of the story: Cathy was expressing her love for him, despite their difference in social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we know that things differs from various vision angle.
語(yǔ)言修改
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff left after he heard Cathy speaking with another woman about her disdain toward marrying him. From Heathcliffs point of view, we truly feel sorry for him.
But from the other side of the coin, Cathy was actually expressing her love for him despite their different social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we can see that not everyone views things the same.
本段評(píng)點(diǎn)
這個(gè)例子與第一段要說(shuō)明的問(wèn)題稍稍有些偏差。作者要證明的論點(diǎn)是人們所見(jiàn)所聞的事實(shí)可能是客觀的嗎，而這個(gè)例子得出的結(jié)論是不同的角度看待問(wèn)題得出的結(jié)果會(huì)是不一樣的。改后稿把最后一句改成從這個(gè)例子可以看出每個(gè)人對(duì)以同樣的眼光來(lái)看待事情，這樣說(shuō)和論點(diǎn)貼得更近一些。
SAT作文是SAT考試的一個(gè)重要組成部分，也是最為關(guān)鍵和最難的部分，它直接考查了學(xué)生對(duì)語(yǔ)言的運(yùn)用能力。SAT作文的關(guān)鍵是運(yùn)用大量的例證說(shuō)明問(wèn)題，而好的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾同樣會(huì)為你掙得更高的分?jǐn)?shù)。下面我們來(lái)看一篇學(xué)生的習(xí)作，老師對(duì)他的每一段多做了修改和點(diǎn)評(píng)，提出了很多寶貴的意見(jiàn)，大家可以參考一下。
Truth is not objective
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below:
Akira Kurosawas film masterpiece Rashomon portrays several people who have witnessed a death. As each observer recounts the event as he or she witnessed it, we come to realize that each persons story varies greatly from every other account. Watching the movie, we reflect that the truth of an experienceand perhaps all truthis different for each person.
Assignment: What is your opinion of the claim that truth is not objective, but rather is determined by each individual? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
習(xí)作修改
學(xué)生習(xí)作
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. However, is it possible that what we take in by eyes or ears, in another word, what we regard as truth, are not objective?
語(yǔ)言修改
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. Is it possible that what we see and hear, or what we regard as the truth, is not objective?
本段評(píng)點(diǎn)
這個(gè)開(kāi)頭避免了許多習(xí)作簡(jiǎn)單重復(fù)題目的缺點(diǎn)。而且舉出了法庭審訊這個(gè)場(chǎng)景，然后提出了一個(gè)問(wèn)題，這兩個(gè)手段都能激發(fā)讀者閱讀的興趣，而且顯得與眾不同。
學(xué)生習(xí)作
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff took his departure after his eavesdropping Cathys dialogue with another woman. He heard part of the dialogue, in which Cathy appeared to be so vain that she regarded marriage with Heathcliff as adjective. From Heathcliffs angle, we truly recount the event as he did and feel sorry for him from bottom of our hearts. But look at the other side of the story: Cathy was expressing her love for him, despite their difference in social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we know that things differs from various vision angle.
語(yǔ)言修改
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff left after he heard Cathy speaking with another woman about her disdain toward marrying him. From Heathcliffs point of view, we truly feel sorry for him.
But from the other side of the coin, Cathy was actually expressing her love for him despite their different social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we can see that not everyone views things the same.
本段評(píng)點(diǎn)
這個(gè)例子與第一段要說(shuō)明的問(wèn)題稍稍有些偏差。作者要證明的論點(diǎn)是人們所見(jiàn)所聞的事實(shí)可能是客觀的嗎，而這個(gè)例子得出的結(jié)論是不同的角度看待問(wèn)題得出的結(jié)果會(huì)是不一樣的。改后稿把最后一句改成從這個(gè)例子可以看出每個(gè)人對(duì)以同樣的眼光來(lái)看待事情，這樣說(shuō)和論點(diǎn)貼得更近一些。
