GRE作文修改：if a means is justifiable
再次深刻感覺到，GRE作文，對于大家的難點(diǎn)其實(shí)是邏輯，再給一篇我剛改過的文章，希望你們能有所體會
TOPIC: ISSUE212 - If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
WORDS: 378 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2009-8-16 23:58:32
Whether a goal deserves attaining depends on whether its worthiness overweigh the price of means taken to achieve it. Means that cost too much or illegal is surely unreasonable. However some spiritual goals, whose value is hard to tell, any means, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, is justifiable.
Firstly, some goals are unrealistic current condition or in the short-term. Methods that expect to reach the goal in quick step are unfeasible since they could hardy solve the essential problem and might cause more problems. Consider the goal to minish the poverty gap, which is beneficial to the stability in society. But if the goal is to reach by taxing a large amount of on the affluent groups and transfer it to the proles, the wealthies would consider it unfair and try to elude that tax. The endeavor are likely to be null. Another unjustifiable mean is to lay a lump sum of money to each person, thus the money they owns would reach more average level. However, the sudden inflation caused by that policy would cause raise nominal interest and other economic index, which could cause unpredictable fluctuation in economy.
Secondly, the means of one goal might undermine another goal, in other words, causing opportunity cost. In those cases one must strike a balance on those goals by the trade offs between their revenue and costs.. That is necessary comparison especially in the government decision since the resource it could apply to attaining the goals is mainly from its limited budget. For instance, few would deny that the endeavor to provide health-care for every civilian is worthy in both individual and social level. Whereas what if the means to reach it is to withdraw money from public education and fundamental facilities building? The price of that goal is at the sacrificing of other goals, which is unreasonble in a comprehensive advisement.
However, the spiritual goals could hardly be judged by face value. Some efforts, though unreasonable by a profit-and-cost analysis on the individual level, bring significant influnce on society. Consider the handicapped athletes who participate in Paralympic Games. It takes much effort and sacrifice to even a wholesome person to pursue the goal of sports, not alone the handicappeds. Most handicapped athletes who decide to achieve this goal give up many other possibilities in their life such as finding a stable work that calls for less endeavor. Yet through the progress they realized the value of their life and win wide social respect. What is more, their courage and strong will inspires thousands of people with deformity or other difficulties to overcome obstacles in life and pursue they passions. If people are too concerned about the cost to attain these spiritual goals, some of them are likely to be never achieved since they cost much and brings little at face value.
In sum, whether a method is feasible in attaining a practical goal, one must consider its price-the potencial problem it brings and the opportunity cost, etc. While in pursuing a spiritual goal, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, any means is justifiable.
這篇文章你大概從三個方面論述： 有些means 是不合理的 有些means的機(jī)會成本太大 有些精神層面的goals無法用face value去衡量
我覺得從logic上講論述的不到位，可以試著在原文的基礎(chǔ)上改一些 你說的有些方法是不合理的，比如說，為了解決貧富差距的問題，那么就均富，這樣富人覺得不公平，實(shí)際上我們可以把這些定性為有違世界的法律和，也就是說第一段我的主題可以圍繞著：雖然有些目的是worthy的，但是解決辦法有違法律和，那么是不可行的。 有些means的機(jī)會成本太大，這段論述的不錯 有些精神層面的，比如殘疾運(yùn)動員，他們追求的是精神的東西，你說這個是無法用face value來衡量的，我覺得這個問題看的不夠深入，以一個西方人的觀點(diǎn)來看這個問題的話，一個殘疾人，找份穩(wěn)定的工作，還是刻苦訓(xùn)練去搏擊奧運(yùn)，這個并不完全是你說的精神層面的追求，而是說，一旦成功，這個殘疾人無論從物質(zhì)方面還是以后的生活方面都會有極大的利益收入，而且可以說是名利雙收，所以這個means是否take的主要的糾結(jié)的地方在于：這個means的成功機(jī)會有多大，這才是第三段你該去論述的重點(diǎn)，因為西方人，特別是美國人，不會玩虛的，一切向material看齊。
總結(jié)一下，我重新提煉你三個段落的主題： 是否可行，要看這個means有無違反法律和還有道德 是否可行，要看機(jī)會成本大小 是否可行，要看成功機(jī)會多寡
不知你能否認(rèn)同，這樣的段落更加清晰有力。
再次深刻感覺到，GRE作文，對于大家的難點(diǎn)其實(shí)是邏輯，再給一篇我剛改過的文章，希望你們能有所體會
TOPIC: ISSUE212 - If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.
WORDS: 378 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2009-8-16 23:58:32
Whether a goal deserves attaining depends on whether its worthiness overweigh the price of means taken to achieve it. Means that cost too much or illegal is surely unreasonable. However some spiritual goals, whose value is hard to tell, any means, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, is justifiable.
Firstly, some goals are unrealistic current condition or in the short-term. Methods that expect to reach the goal in quick step are unfeasible since they could hardy solve the essential problem and might cause more problems. Consider the goal to minish the poverty gap, which is beneficial to the stability in society. But if the goal is to reach by taxing a large amount of on the affluent groups and transfer it to the proles, the wealthies would consider it unfair and try to elude that tax. The endeavor are likely to be null. Another unjustifiable mean is to lay a lump sum of money to each person, thus the money they owns would reach more average level. However, the sudden inflation caused by that policy would cause raise nominal interest and other economic index, which could cause unpredictable fluctuation in economy.
Secondly, the means of one goal might undermine another goal, in other words, causing opportunity cost. In those cases one must strike a balance on those goals by the trade offs between their revenue and costs.. That is necessary comparison especially in the government decision since the resource it could apply to attaining the goals is mainly from its limited budget. For instance, few would deny that the endeavor to provide health-care for every civilian is worthy in both individual and social level. Whereas what if the means to reach it is to withdraw money from public education and fundamental facilities building? The price of that goal is at the sacrificing of other goals, which is unreasonble in a comprehensive advisement.
However, the spiritual goals could hardly be judged by face value. Some efforts, though unreasonable by a profit-and-cost analysis on the individual level, bring significant influnce on society. Consider the handicapped athletes who participate in Paralympic Games. It takes much effort and sacrifice to even a wholesome person to pursue the goal of sports, not alone the handicappeds. Most handicapped athletes who decide to achieve this goal give up many other possibilities in their life such as finding a stable work that calls for less endeavor. Yet through the progress they realized the value of their life and win wide social respect. What is more, their courage and strong will inspires thousands of people with deformity or other difficulties to overcome obstacles in life and pursue they passions. If people are too concerned about the cost to attain these spiritual goals, some of them are likely to be never achieved since they cost much and brings little at face value.
In sum, whether a method is feasible in attaining a practical goal, one must consider its price-the potencial problem it brings and the opportunity cost, etc. While in pursuing a spiritual goal, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, any means is justifiable.
這篇文章你大概從三個方面論述： 有些means 是不合理的 有些means的機(jī)會成本太大 有些精神層面的goals無法用face value去衡量
我覺得從logic上講論述的不到位，可以試著在原文的基礎(chǔ)上改一些 你說的有些方法是不合理的，比如說，為了解決貧富差距的問題，那么就均富，這樣富人覺得不公平，實(shí)際上我們可以把這些定性為有違世界的法律和，也就是說第一段我的主題可以圍繞著：雖然有些目的是worthy的，但是解決辦法有違法律和，那么是不可行的。 有些means的機(jī)會成本太大，這段論述的不錯 有些精神層面的，比如殘疾運(yùn)動員，他們追求的是精神的東西，你說這個是無法用face value來衡量的，我覺得這個問題看的不夠深入，以一個西方人的觀點(diǎn)來看這個問題的話，一個殘疾人，找份穩(wěn)定的工作，還是刻苦訓(xùn)練去搏擊奧運(yùn)，這個并不完全是你說的精神層面的追求，而是說，一旦成功，這個殘疾人無論從物質(zhì)方面還是以后的生活方面都會有極大的利益收入，而且可以說是名利雙收，所以這個means是否take的主要的糾結(jié)的地方在于：這個means的成功機(jī)會有多大，這才是第三段你該去論述的重點(diǎn)，因為西方人，特別是美國人，不會玩虛的，一切向material看齊。
總結(jié)一下，我重新提煉你三個段落的主題： 是否可行，要看這個means有無違反法律和還有道德 是否可行，要看機(jī)會成本大小 是否可行，要看成功機(jī)會多寡
不知你能否認(rèn)同，這樣的段落更加清晰有力。
