妙趣橫生的電話留言

　　中國(guó)家庭并不常用電話答錄機(jī)(Answering Machine),但在北美家庭，幾乎家家都用。外來(lái)電話撥入時(shí)，若該電話號(hào)碼的主人不在，就會(huì)讓撥入者聽(tīng)到一段留言，這叫Answer。絕大多數(shù)的Answer都是千篇一律的：說(shuō)明主人不在，請(qǐng)撥入者留下簡(jiǎn)短信息及姓名電話號(hào)碼等。

　　以下幾則特別的 Answer 體現(xiàn)了美國(guó)佬的幽默，你能體會(huì)出其幽默所在嗎?

　　My wife and I cant come to the phone right now, but if youll leave your name and number, well get back to you as soon as were finished.

　　Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didnt lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, dont worry, I have plenty of money.

　　Hi, Im not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

　　Hi! Johns answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and Ill stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.*(見(jiàn)注)

　　Hello, this is Sallys microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so Im stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

　　Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If youre still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

　　Hi. I am probably home. Im just avoiding someone I dont like. Leave me a message, and if I dont call back, its you.

　　This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and Ill think about returning your call.

　　Hi, this is George. Im sorry I cant answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

　　If you are a burglar, then were probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and cant come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably arent home and its safe to leave us a message.

　　Youre growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

　　Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

　　Hello, youve reached Jim and Sonya. We cant pick up the phone right now, because were doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when were done brushing our teeth, well get back to you.

　　注釋：

　　beep：主人的Answer講完以后，Answer Machine會(huì)發(fā)出一聲beep, 這時(shí)候來(lái)電話者就可以開(kāi)始留言了。

　　magnet：磁鐵

　　*注：通常情況下，來(lái)電話者面對(duì)錄音講話都不太自然，所以語(yǔ)言往往很急促，三句兩句話就完了。這可苦壞了接聽(tīng)留言的主人，聽(tīng)多少遍都聽(tīng)不清留言者到底是誰(shuí)，講了些什么。對(duì)于母語(yǔ)非英文的人，這種感覺(jué)會(huì)更深。所以，以下這兩段幽默干脆就首先告訴電話撥入者，我的Answer Machine不好使，你且慢慢來(lái)。

　　elope：私奔

　　tub：浴盆

　　charity ：慈善團(tuán)體

　　telepathic：心靈感應(yīng)術(shù)

　　tone：與昨天對(duì) beep 的注釋含義完全一樣，主人的Answer講完以后，Answer Machine會(huì)發(fā)出一聲beep, 這時(shí)候來(lái)電話者就可以開(kāi)始留言了。

　　burglar：夜賊

　　eyelids：眼皮

　　willpower ：毅力

　　feel helplessly compelled to：感到無(wú)助而被迫做某事

　　you have the right to remain silent：電影電視里警察出示逮捕令時(shí)常講的一句話。西方社會(huì)講究人權(quán)，任何疑犯在未審判之前不得認(rèn)為有罪，因而不能逼供、更不可拷打：他們有權(quán)保持沉默。

　　中國(guó)家庭并不常用電話答錄機(jī)(Answering Machine),但在北美家庭，幾乎家家都用。外來(lái)電話撥入時(shí)，若該電話號(hào)碼的主人不在，就會(huì)讓撥入者聽(tīng)到一段留言，這叫Answer。絕大多數(shù)的Answer都是千篇一律的：說(shuō)明主人不在，請(qǐng)撥入者留下簡(jiǎn)短信息及姓名電話號(hào)碼等。

　　以下幾則特別的 Answer 體現(xiàn)了美國(guó)佬的幽默，你能體會(huì)出其幽默所在嗎?

　　My wife and I cant come to the phone right now, but if youll leave your name and number, well get back to you as soon as were finished.

　　Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didnt lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, dont worry, I have plenty of money.

　　Hi, Im not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

　　Hi! Johns answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and Ill stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.*(見(jiàn)注)

　　Hello, this is Sallys microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so Im stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

　　Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If youre still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

　　Hi. I am probably home. Im just avoiding someone I dont like. Leave me a message, and if I dont call back, its you.

　　This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and Ill think about returning your call.

　　Hi, this is George. Im sorry I cant answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

　　If you are a burglar, then were probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and cant come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably arent home and its safe to leave us a message.

　　Youre growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

　　Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

　　Hello, youve reached Jim and Sonya. We cant pick up the phone right now, because were doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when were done brushing our teeth, well get back to you.

　　注釋：

　　beep：主人的Answer講完以后，Answer Machine會(huì)發(fā)出一聲beep, 這時(shí)候來(lái)電話者就可以開(kāi)始留言了。

　　magnet：磁鐵

　　*注：通常情況下，來(lái)電話者面對(duì)錄音講話都不太自然，所以語(yǔ)言往往很急促，三句兩句話就完了。這可苦壞了接聽(tīng)留言的主人，聽(tīng)多少遍都聽(tīng)不清留言者到底是誰(shuí)，講了些什么。對(duì)于母語(yǔ)非英文的人，這種感覺(jué)會(huì)更深。所以，以下這兩段幽默干脆就首先告訴電話撥入者，我的Answer Machine不好使，你且慢慢來(lái)。

　　elope：私奔

　　tub：浴盆

　　charity ：慈善團(tuán)體

　　telepathic：心靈感應(yīng)術(shù)

　　tone：與昨天對(duì) beep 的注釋含義完全一樣，主人的Answer講完以后，Answer Machine會(huì)發(fā)出一聲beep, 這時(shí)候來(lái)電話者就可以開(kāi)始留言了。

　　burglar：夜賊

　　eyelids：眼皮

　　willpower ：毅力

　　feel helplessly compelled to：感到無(wú)助而被迫做某事

　　you have the right to remain silent：電影電視里警察出示逮捕令時(shí)常講的一句話。西方社會(huì)講究人權(quán)，任何疑犯在未審判之前不得認(rèn)為有罪，因而不能逼供、更不可拷打：他們有權(quán)保持沉默。