這些小跡象表明你的另一半有情感施虐傾向
THEY ATTACK YOUR CHARACTER VS. COMPLAINING ABOUT SPECIFIC THINGS.
他們攻擊你的性格VS抱怨具體的事情。
Most couples have had disagreements when one person yells at the other for not doing the dishes or forgetting to take out the trash, but some spouses criticize their partners more broadly. "Saying 'it bothers me when you forget to take out the trash' is a complaint about something specific that a partner can immediately address," explains Weena Cullins, a marriage and family therapist. But saying "'you're just so lazy. What is wrong with you?' is a criticism that attacks a person's character and may be too vague to easily address." And those kind of generalized digs - either in public or in the privacy of your - can be considered emotionally abusive because they can chip away at a person's self-esteem. Getting consistent negative messages like that, especially from someone who's supposed to love and respect you, can reduce your confidence and lower your sense of worth - and can make you less likely to leave a toxic situation.
大多數情侶意見不合時，一方會沖另一方大叫，說他們沒有洗碗或忘記帶垃圾出門，但有些情侶則是泛泛地批評另一半。"說'你老是忘帶垃圾出門，我真的很苦惱'是針對具體事情的抱怨，另一半能很快解決，"婚姻和家庭治療師維娜·卡琳斯解釋道。但說"'你真是太懶了，你到底有什么毛病啊？'則攻擊了他們的性格，而且也太過廣泛、不容易解決。"而這些泛泛地嘲諷--無論是公共的還是隱私的--都可以被當做情感施虐，因為這些嘲諷會消磨掉一個人的自尊心。總是收到那樣的負面信息會打擊你的自信、降低你的價值感，甚至讓你不太容易離開負面消極的環境--尤其是本該愛你、尊敬你的人說出這些信息時。
THEY MAKE A LOT OF "BUT" STATEMENTS.
他們總是說"但是"。
When your partner makes a lot of "but" statements - like if they say "you look beautiful, but..." or, if you've slaved over a special dinner for them all day, and they respond with something like "it's good, but it's a little dry" - that's a red flag, especially if it's happening more than once a day. "If your partner starts a phrase like this several times a day, then they're being overly critical," says Jennifer Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, a website that aims to help couples going through breakups. "Statements like these don't seem like much at first, but years of this kind constant criticism will negatively affect anyone's self-worth, and that's pretty abusive."
當你的另一半總是說"但是"時--比如他們會說"你看起來真好看，但是……"或是你忙碌了一整天為他準備了特殊晚餐，他們卻說"蠻好吃的，但是有點干了"--這是個危險信號，尤其是當這種情況不止發生一兩次時更是如此。"如果你的另一半每天都要說好幾遍類似的話，那可能就是他們過于挑剔了，"前男友修復網站的創始人珍妮弗·塞特說道，該網站旨在幫助情侶度過分手難關。"起初，這些話看起來沒什么影響，但多年來不斷聽到這種批評會消極地影響每個人的自我價值，這是相當粗魯的。"
THEY START ACTING WAY MORE CHARMING THAN USUAL.
他們的舉動比平常更有魅力。
If you S.O. suddenly starts acting way more charming or nice than usual, that can be a red flag, too. "This is an abuser's way of seducing you to trust them before they act out their abuse toward you," says Dr. Fran Walfish,.
如果你的另一半突然開始打扮得比平常更有魅力或更友善，那這也可能是一個危險信號。"施虐者往往會以這種方式誘惑你相信他們，然后再向你施虐，"Fran Walfish醫生說道。
THEY ATTACK YOUR CHARACTER VS. COMPLAINING ABOUT SPECIFIC THINGS.
他們攻擊你的性格VS抱怨具體的事情。
Most couples have had disagreements when one person yells at the other for not doing the dishes or forgetting to take out the trash, but some spouses criticize their partners more broadly. "Saying 'it bothers me when you forget to take out the trash' is a complaint about something specific that a partner can immediately address," explains Weena Cullins, a marriage and family therapist. But saying "'you're just so lazy. What is wrong with you?' is a criticism that attacks a person's character and may be too vague to easily address." And those kind of generalized digs - either in public or in the privacy of your - can be considered emotionally abusive because they can chip away at a person's self-esteem. Getting consistent negative messages like that, especially from someone who's supposed to love and respect you, can reduce your confidence and lower your sense of worth - and can make you less likely to leave a toxic situation.
大多數情侶意見不合時，一方會沖另一方大叫，說他們沒有洗碗或忘記帶垃圾出門，但有些情侶則是泛泛地批評另一半。"說'你老是忘帶垃圾出門，我真的很苦惱'是針對具體事情的抱怨，另一半能很快解決，"婚姻和家庭治療師維娜·卡琳斯解釋道。但說"'你真是太懶了，你到底有什么毛病啊？'則攻擊了他們的性格，而且也太過廣泛、不容易解決。"而這些泛泛地嘲諷--無論是公共的還是隱私的--都可以被當做情感施虐，因為這些嘲諷會消磨掉一個人的自尊心。總是收到那樣的負面信息會打擊你的自信、降低你的價值感，甚至讓你不太容易離開負面消極的環境--尤其是本該愛你、尊敬你的人說出這些信息時。
THEY MAKE A LOT OF "BUT" STATEMENTS.
他們總是說"但是"。
When your partner makes a lot of "but" statements - like if they say "you look beautiful, but..." or, if you've slaved over a special dinner for them all day, and they respond with something like "it's good, but it's a little dry" - that's a red flag, especially if it's happening more than once a day. "If your partner starts a phrase like this several times a day, then they're being overly critical," says Jennifer Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, a website that aims to help couples going through breakups. "Statements like these don't seem like much at first, but years of this kind constant criticism will negatively affect anyone's self-worth, and that's pretty abusive."
當你的另一半總是說"但是"時--比如他們會說"你看起來真好看，但是……"或是你忙碌了一整天為他準備了特殊晚餐，他們卻說"蠻好吃的，但是有點干了"--這是個危險信號，尤其是當這種情況不止發生一兩次時更是如此。"如果你的另一半每天都要說好幾遍類似的話，那可能就是他們過于挑剔了，"前男友修復網站的創始人珍妮弗·塞特說道，該網站旨在幫助情侶度過分手難關。"起初，這些話看起來沒什么影響，但多年來不斷聽到這種批評會消極地影響每個人的自我價值，這是相當粗魯的。"
THEY START ACTING WAY MORE CHARMING THAN USUAL.
他們的舉動比平常更有魅力。
If you S.O. suddenly starts acting way more charming or nice than usual, that can be a red flag, too. "This is an abuser's way of seducing you to trust them before they act out their abuse toward you," says Dr. Fran Walfish,.
如果你的另一半突然開始打扮得比平常更有魅力或更友善，那這也可能是一個危險信號。"施虐者往往會以這種方式誘惑你相信他們，然后再向你施虐，"Fran Walfish醫生說道。
