面對(duì)別人的成功，也許我們可以這兒欣賞

在社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)高度發(fā)達(dá)的時(shí)代，人們很容易去過度關(guān)注周圍人的生活，由此產(chǎn)生的攀比無處不在。生活中，人們都習(xí)慣將自己最風(fēng)光的一面展現(xiàn)給大家，可是有誰能看到風(fēng)光背后的東西呢?很多時(shí)候，得到的多意味著承擔(dān)的也多。可能是我們知道自己的缺憾，所以總喜歡拿那些看上去完美的人和自己做比較，把他們當(dāng)作人生的榜樣和坐標(biāo)。不要羨慕別人的精彩，也不要嫉妒他人的成功。

First thing in the morning, I check Twitter, only to have it list off for me all the ways I’ve already fallen behind. A colleague has released a new e-book. Two of my design heroes are announcing a collaborative project. One of my old college buddies has posted a video trailer for an upcoming online program, and she looks phenomenal, polished, charismatic (I’m still in bed, bleary-eyed, and definitely not at my most telegenic.)

Am I really falling behind? Is anybody actually keeping score? Did any of these people post any of the updates with the intent of making me feel bad? Of course not. But if I’m not careful, it’s terribly easy to view my social media streams as a constant reminder of all the stuff I’m not doing, dreams I’m not fulfilling , and rooms I’ve failed to decorate.

This isn’t a social media problem. It’s a comparison problem. There isn’t a single thing about Twitter—or any of the other social media platforms I use—that’s designed to make me ask how I’m measuring up. That’s all me—an automatic, internal mechanism. It’s part ego, part creative drive, and part deep soul yearning.

And I know it’s not just me. I’ve spent the past year collaborating with leadership coach Tanya Geisler on researching how comparison works , what it costs us, and what it can teach us—and we’ve discovered that it runs rampant among just about every creative, growth-oriented person we know. In our comparison-soaked culture, it’s hard to avoid looking around at what other people are doing with their short time on earth, and slipping into “How am I stacking up?” mode. Here’s what we learned:

Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.

The first time I heard this excellent, if hard-to-implement, advice, I was suffering from a terrible case of envy. Some competitor or other had achieved an inspiring degree of success and I was complaining to a mentor about how unachievable it seemed to me. Her warning took me aback . “Look,” she told me, “You have no idea what it took for them to get there. Don’t act like this was unearned, effortless, or pure dumb luck. And for Pete’s sake, don’t go thinking that because you read the press release, you have a single clue about what’s really going on behind the scenes.”

She was absolutely right. I knew better, yet in the moment that I’d heard the news, I fell prey to reactive thinking and over-simplification. Because it’s much easier to look at someone “up there” and envy what they’ve got than it is to ask the tougher questions:

? What do they have that I wish I had?

? What do I admire about them? What are they modelling for me?

? What have they done to get where they are today?

? How does this relate to my own values?

When we reflect on these questions, we shift immediately out of comparison mode and turn inwards, to face the heart of the matter: our own desires and fears.

Transform Comparison into Celebration

Admiration and envy are responses that point us toward what we value most. And when we become aware of what we value, we are much better positioned to create a life that’s richly satisfying.

If you notice yourself admiring people who take creative risks, bring your full attention to the part of you that wants to dare more greatly. If you catch yourself envying the folks in your circles who are at ease with self-promotion, take some time to reflect on how you might share your triumphs in a way that feels totally YOU. Heck, if you’re obsessing over tennis players’ forearms, it could be a sign that you’re ready to revamp your fitness regime. You get the idea.

Use the Success of Others as a Mirror

Comparison can be a dark, stuck place, but only if you let it be. There’s gold to be found in your comparison habit, if you’re willing to look for it. The light we see in others can help us see our own—and appreciate it.

So the next time you catch yourself admiring or envying someone’s success, gifts, or particular brand of radiance—be it in a professional context, a personal one, or simply perusing magazine covers—take a moment to consider:

? What qualities in them inspire me?

? Where do I currently embody these qualities?

? How might my expression of these qualities differ from theirs?

? What can I learn from my desire to embody these qualities more fully?

Your Twitter feed may never look quite the same.

Vocabulary

1.每天早上我做的第一件事情就是上推特，只為了去看上面列出的所有我落下的東西。fall behind: 落后，跟不上。

2.release: 發(fā)布。

3.collaborative: 合作的，協(xié)作的。

4.buddy: 伙伴;trailer: 預(yù)告片;phenomenal: 非凡的;polished: 優(yōu)美的;charismatic: 超凡魅力的;bleary-eyed: 睡眼惺忪的;telegenic: 適于上鏡的。

5.keep score: 保留得分，和競(jìng)爭(zhēng)者同步發(fā)展。

6.media stream: 媒體流。

7.fulfill: 實(shí)現(xiàn)，完成。

8.measure up: 合格，符合標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

9.internal mechanism: 內(nèi)部機(jī)制。

10.ego: 自我;yearning: 渴望，向往。

11.在過去的一年里，我和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力課程導(dǎo)師塔尼婭?蓋斯勒共同研究“攀比”是如何進(jìn)行的，它讓我們付出何等代價(jià)，又教會(huì)我們什么——我們發(fā)現(xiàn)它幾乎存在于我們所認(rèn)識(shí)的每個(gè)富有創(chuàng)造力、有增長潛力的人身上。run rampant: 猖狂，泛濫成災(zāi);growth-oriented: 有增長潛力的。

12.在我們這種攀比成風(fēng)的文化中，我們很難做到不去留意周圍其他人都在短時(shí)間內(nèi)做些什么，然后陷入一種思考“我過得怎樣”的模式中。comparison-soaked: 攀比成風(fēng)的;on earth: 究竟，到底;slip into: 陷入;〈美口〉stack up: (生活)過得，進(jìn)展。

13.mentor: 導(dǎo)師。

14.take aback: 使大吃一驚。

15.unearned: 不勞而獲的;dumb luck: 不費(fèi)多少心思和力氣得來的好運(yùn)。

16.behind the scenes: 在幕后，秘密地。

17.fall prey to: 深受……之害;over-simplification: 過度簡(jiǎn)單化。

18.celebration: 頌揚(yáng)。

19.羨慕和嫉妒可以讓我們了解自己最重視的是什么。

20.obsess: 使……困擾;revamp: 改進(jìn)，翻新;fitness regime: 健身計(jì)劃。

21.下次當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在羨慕或者嫉妒別人的成功、天賦或者特有的魅力時(shí)——無論在工作場(chǎng)所、私人場(chǎng)合，還是在看雜志封面時(shí)——花點(diǎn)時(shí)間去考慮以下幾點(diǎn)。radiance: 光輝;context: 環(huán)境;peruse: 細(xì)讀。

22. embody: 包含，體現(xiàn)。

在社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)高度發(fā)達(dá)的時(shí)代，人們很容易去過度關(guān)注周圍人的生活，由此產(chǎn)生的攀比無處不在。生活中，人們都習(xí)慣將自己最風(fēng)光的一面展現(xiàn)給大家，可是有誰能看到風(fēng)光背后的東西呢?很多時(shí)候，得到的多意味著承擔(dān)的也多。可能是我們知道自己的缺憾，所以總喜歡拿那些看上去完美的人和自己做比較，把他們當(dāng)作人生的榜樣和坐標(biāo)。不要羨慕別人的精彩，也不要嫉妒他人的成功。

First thing in the morning, I check Twitter, only to have it list off for me all the ways I’ve already fallen behind. A colleague has released a new e-book. Two of my design heroes are announcing a collaborative project. One of my old college buddies has posted a video trailer for an upcoming online program, and she looks phenomenal, polished, charismatic (I’m still in bed, bleary-eyed, and definitely not at my most telegenic.)

Am I really falling behind? Is anybody actually keeping score? Did any of these people post any of the updates with the intent of making me feel bad? Of course not. But if I’m not careful, it’s terribly easy to view my social media streams as a constant reminder of all the stuff I’m not doing, dreams I’m not fulfilling , and rooms I’ve failed to decorate.

This isn’t a social media problem. It’s a comparison problem. There isn’t a single thing about Twitter—or any of the other social media platforms I use—that’s designed to make me ask how I’m measuring up. That’s all me—an automatic, internal mechanism. It’s part ego, part creative drive, and part deep soul yearning.

And I know it’s not just me. I’ve spent the past year collaborating with leadership coach Tanya Geisler on researching how comparison works , what it costs us, and what it can teach us—and we’ve discovered that it runs rampant among just about every creative, growth-oriented person we know. In our comparison-soaked culture, it’s hard to avoid looking around at what other people are doing with their short time on earth, and slipping into “How am I stacking up?” mode. Here’s what we learned:

Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.

The first time I heard this excellent, if hard-to-implement, advice, I was suffering from a terrible case of envy. Some competitor or other had achieved an inspiring degree of success and I was complaining to a mentor about how unachievable it seemed to me. Her warning took me aback . “Look,” she told me, “You have no idea what it took for them to get there. Don’t act like this was unearned, effortless, or pure dumb luck. And for Pete’s sake, don’t go thinking that because you read the press release, you have a single clue about what’s really going on behind the scenes.”

She was absolutely right. I knew better, yet in the moment that I’d heard the news, I fell prey to reactive thinking and over-simplification. Because it’s much easier to look at someone “up there” and envy what they’ve got than it is to ask the tougher questions:

? What do they have that I wish I had?

? What do I admire about them? What are they modelling for me?

? What have they done to get where they are today?

? How does this relate to my own values?

When we reflect on these questions, we shift immediately out of comparison mode and turn inwards, to face the heart of the matter: our own desires and fears.

Transform Comparison into Celebration

Admiration and envy are responses that point us toward what we value most. And when we become aware of what we value, we are much better positioned to create a life that’s richly satisfying.

If you notice yourself admiring people who take creative risks, bring your full attention to the part of you that wants to dare more greatly. If you catch yourself envying the folks in your circles who are at ease with self-promotion, take some time to reflect on how you might share your triumphs in a way that feels totally YOU. Heck, if you’re obsessing over tennis players’ forearms, it could be a sign that you’re ready to revamp your fitness regime. You get the idea.

Use the Success of Others as a Mirror

Comparison can be a dark, stuck place, but only if you let it be. There’s gold to be found in your comparison habit, if you’re willing to look for it. The light we see in others can help us see our own—and appreciate it.

So the next time you catch yourself admiring or envying someone’s success, gifts, or particular brand of radiance—be it in a professional context, a personal one, or simply perusing magazine covers—take a moment to consider:

? What qualities in them inspire me?

? Where do I currently embody these qualities?

? How might my expression of these qualities differ from theirs?

? What can I learn from my desire to embody these qualities more fully?

Your Twitter feed may never look quite the same.

Vocabulary

1.每天早上我做的第一件事情就是上推特，只為了去看上面列出的所有我落下的東西。fall behind: 落后，跟不上。

2.release: 發(fā)布。

3.collaborative: 合作的，協(xié)作的。

4.buddy: 伙伴;trailer: 預(yù)告片;phenomenal: 非凡的;polished: 優(yōu)美的;charismatic: 超凡魅力的;bleary-eyed: 睡眼惺忪的;telegenic: 適于上鏡的。

5.keep score: 保留得分，和競(jìng)爭(zhēng)者同步發(fā)展。

6.media stream: 媒體流。

7.fulfill: 實(shí)現(xiàn)，完成。

8.measure up: 合格，符合標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

9.internal mechanism: 內(nèi)部機(jī)制。

10.ego: 自我;yearning: 渴望，向往。

11.在過去的一年里，我和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力課程導(dǎo)師塔尼婭?蓋斯勒共同研究“攀比”是如何進(jìn)行的，它讓我們付出何等代價(jià)，又教會(huì)我們什么——我們發(fā)現(xiàn)它幾乎存在于我們所認(rèn)識(shí)的每個(gè)富有創(chuàng)造力、有增長潛力的人身上。run rampant: 猖狂，泛濫成災(zāi);growth-oriented: 有增長潛力的。

12.在我們這種攀比成風(fēng)的文化中，我們很難做到不去留意周圍其他人都在短時(shí)間內(nèi)做些什么，然后陷入一種思考“我過得怎樣”的模式中。comparison-soaked: 攀比成風(fēng)的;on earth: 究竟，到底;slip into: 陷入;〈美口〉stack up: (生活)過得，進(jìn)展。

13.mentor: 導(dǎo)師。

14.take aback: 使大吃一驚。

15.unearned: 不勞而獲的;dumb luck: 不費(fèi)多少心思和力氣得來的好運(yùn)。

16.behind the scenes: 在幕后，秘密地。

17.fall prey to: 深受……之害;over-simplification: 過度簡(jiǎn)單化。

18.celebration: 頌揚(yáng)。

19.羨慕和嫉妒可以讓我們了解自己最重視的是什么。

20.obsess: 使……困擾;revamp: 改進(jìn)，翻新;fitness regime: 健身計(jì)劃。

21.下次當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在羨慕或者嫉妒別人的成功、天賦或者特有的魅力時(shí)——無論在工作場(chǎng)所、私人場(chǎng)合，還是在看雜志封面時(shí)——花點(diǎn)時(shí)間去考慮以下幾點(diǎn)。radiance: 光輝;context: 環(huán)境;peruse: 細(xì)讀。

22. embody: 包含，體現(xiàn)。