美國式友誼：只是表示友善的方法
steve and yaser first met in their chemistry class at an american university. yaser was an inter-national student from jordan. he was excited to get to know an american. he wanted to learn more about american culture. yaser hoped that he and steve would become good friends.
at first, steve seemed very friendly. he always greeted yaser warmly before class. sometimes he offered to study with yaser. he even invited yaser to eat lunch with him. but after the semester was over, steve seemed more distant. the two former classmates didn't see each other very much at school. one day yaser decided to call steve. steve didn't seem very interested in talking to him. yaser was hurt by steve's change of attitude. "steve said we were friends," yaser complained. "and i thought friends were friends forever."
yaser is a little confused. he is an outsider to american culture. he doesn't understand the way americans view friendship. americans use the word friend in a very general way. they may call both casual acquaintances and close companions "friends". americans have school friends, work friends, sports friends and neighborhood friends. these friendships are based on common interests. when the shared activity ends, the friendship may fade. now steve and yaser are no longer classmates. their friendship has changed.
in some cultures friendship means a strong life-long bond between two people. in these cultures friendships develop slowly, since they are built to last. american society is one of rapid change. studies show that one out of five american families moves every year. american friendships develop quickly, and they may change just as quickly.
people from the united states may at first seem friendly. americans often chat easily with strangers. they exchange information about their families, hobbies and work. they may smile warmly and say, "have a nice day" or "see you later." schoolmates may say, "let's get together sometime." but american friendliness is not always an offer of true friendship.
after an experience like yaser's, outsiders may consider americans to be fickle. learning how americans view friendship can help non-americans avoid misunderstandings. it can also help them make friends the american way.
here are a few tips on making friends with americans:
1. visit places americans enjoy: parties, churches, western restaurants, parks, sports clubs.
2. be willing to take the first step. don't wait for them to approach you. americans in china may not know you speak english. they may be embarrassed if they can't speak your language.
3. use small talk to open the conversation. ask them where they're from, why they came to china, etc. remember: be careful to avoid personal questions about age, salary, marital status and appearance.
4. show an interest in their culture, their country or their job. (americans like to talk about themselves!)
5. invite them to join you for dinner or just for coffee or tea. try to set a specific time. americans sometimes make general invitations like "let's get together sometime." often this is just a way to be friendly. it is not always a real invitation.
6. don't expect too much at first. maybe they're just being friendly. but maybe they do want to be your good friends. it will take time to tell.
people like yaser shouldn't give up trying to make american friends. americans do value strong, life-long friendships, even with non-americans. when making friends, it helps to have a good dose of cultural understanding.
美式友誼
史帝夫和亞瑟最初是在一所美國大學(xué)的化學(xué)課上認(rèn)識(shí)的。亞瑟是從約旦來的國際學(xué)生。他很興奮能夠認(rèn)識(shí)美國人，他要更多學(xué)習(xí)美國文化;亞瑟希望他和史帝夫會(huì)成為好朋友。
剛開始史帝夫似乎非常友善，上課前他總是熱情地和亞瑟打招呼，有時(shí)他和亞瑟一起讀書;他甚至邀請(qǐng)亞瑟一起共進(jìn)午餐。但是學(xué)期結(jié)束后，史帝夫似乎較冷淡了，這兩個(gè)以前的同學(xué)在學(xué)校不常碰面了。有一天，亞瑟決定打電話給史帝夫，史帝夫似乎沒有興趣和他講話，對(duì)于史帝夫態(tài)度的改變，亞瑟感到受傷害。「史帝夫曾說我們是朋友，」亞瑟抱怨，「而且我認(rèn)為一朝是朋友就永遠(yuǎn)是朋友。」
亞瑟有點(diǎn)困惑了，對(duì)于美國文化，他是個(gè)局外人(外行)。他不了解美國人對(duì)友誼的看法。美國人把「朋友」這個(gè)字用得非常廣泛，一般的泛泛之交和親密伙伴都算是朋友。美國人的朋友包含有學(xué)校的朋友、工作的朋友、運(yùn)動(dòng)的朋友或是街坊鄰居。這些友誼都是建立在共同的興趣上，當(dāng)共同從事的活動(dòng)結(jié)束時(shí)，友誼也可能跟著消失了。現(xiàn)在，史帝夫和亞瑟不再是同學(xué)，他們的「友誼」也就改變了。
在一些文化里，友誼意即兩人之間一種強(qiáng)烈的，一世之久的情感。在這些文化里，友誼發(fā)展得慢，因?yàn)橐志谩５绹莻€(gè)急速變化的社會(huì)，有些研究發(fā)現(xiàn)每年每五個(gè)美國家庭之中，就有一個(gè)家庭搬家。美國人的友誼建立得快，但也可能改變得快。
從美國來的人可能剛開始看起來很親切。美國人常能很容易地和陌生人聊天，他們交換關(guān)于自己的家庭、興趣和工作的個(gè)人資料，他們可能熱情地微笑說「祝你有愉快的一天」或是「待會(huì)兒見」，而同學(xué)也許會(huì)說「我們找一天聚聚」，但是美國人的友善并不意謂真正的友誼。
經(jīng)過像亞瑟的經(jīng)歷之后，局外人也許會(huì)視美國人為善變的。了解美國人如何看待友誼，能夠幫助非美國人士避免誤會(huì)，也能幫助他們以美國人的方式交朋友。
以下是一些和美國人交朋友的秘訣：
1.到一些美國人喜歡去的地方：宴會(huì)、教會(huì)、西餐廳、公園和健身房。
2.樂意跨出第一步，不要等他們來接近你。在中國的美國人不知道你會(huì)不會(huì)講英語。如果他們不會(huì)講你的語言，他們可能覺得不好意思。
3.以閑聊來展開話題，問他們來自哪里，為什么到中國等等。切記：注意避免非常私人的問題，例如年齡、薪水、婚姻狀況和長相。
4.對(duì)他們的文化、國家或者工作表示興趣。(美國人喜歡談?wù)撟约?
5.邀請(qǐng)他們和你一起吃飯或喝茶。要講定時(shí)間，否則，美國人有時(shí)會(huì)用一些一般性的邀請(qǐng)，像「找個(gè)時(shí)間聚聚吧!」，但這只是表示友善的方法而非真正的邀請(qǐng)。
steve and yaser first met in their chemistry class at an american university. yaser was an inter-national student from jordan. he was excited to get to know an american. he wanted to learn more about american culture. yaser hoped that he and steve would become good friends.
at first, steve seemed very friendly. he always greeted yaser warmly before class. sometimes he offered to study with yaser. he even invited yaser to eat lunch with him. but after the semester was over, steve seemed more distant. the two former classmates didn't see each other very much at school. one day yaser decided to call steve. steve didn't seem very interested in talking to him. yaser was hurt by steve's change of attitude. "steve said we were friends," yaser complained. "and i thought friends were friends forever."
yaser is a little confused. he is an outsider to american culture. he doesn't understand the way americans view friendship. americans use the word friend in a very general way. they may call both casual acquaintances and close companions "friends". americans have school friends, work friends, sports friends and neighborhood friends. these friendships are based on common interests. when the shared activity ends, the friendship may fade. now steve and yaser are no longer classmates. their friendship has changed.
in some cultures friendship means a strong life-long bond between two people. in these cultures friendships develop slowly, since they are built to last. american society is one of rapid change. studies show that one out of five american families moves every year. american friendships develop quickly, and they may change just as quickly.
people from the united states may at first seem friendly. americans often chat easily with strangers. they exchange information about their families, hobbies and work. they may smile warmly and say, "have a nice day" or "see you later." schoolmates may say, "let's get together sometime." but american friendliness is not always an offer of true friendship.
after an experience like yaser's, outsiders may consider americans to be fickle. learning how americans view friendship can help non-americans avoid misunderstandings. it can also help them make friends the american way.
here are a few tips on making friends with americans:
1. visit places americans enjoy: parties, churches, western restaurants, parks, sports clubs.
2. be willing to take the first step. don't wait for them to approach you. americans in china may not know you speak english. they may be embarrassed if they can't speak your language.
3. use small talk to open the conversation. ask them where they're from, why they came to china, etc. remember: be careful to avoid personal questions about age, salary, marital status and appearance.
4. show an interest in their culture, their country or their job. (americans like to talk about themselves!)
5. invite them to join you for dinner or just for coffee or tea. try to set a specific time. americans sometimes make general invitations like "let's get together sometime." often this is just a way to be friendly. it is not always a real invitation.
6. don't expect too much at first. maybe they're just being friendly. but maybe they do want to be your good friends. it will take time to tell.
people like yaser shouldn't give up trying to make american friends. americans do value strong, life-long friendships, even with non-americans. when making friends, it helps to have a good dose of cultural understanding.
美式友誼
史帝夫和亞瑟最初是在一所美國大學(xué)的化學(xué)課上認(rèn)識(shí)的。亞瑟是從約旦來的國際學(xué)生。他很興奮能夠認(rèn)識(shí)美國人，他要更多學(xué)習(xí)美國文化;亞瑟希望他和史帝夫會(huì)成為好朋友。
剛開始史帝夫似乎非常友善，上課前他總是熱情地和亞瑟打招呼，有時(shí)他和亞瑟一起讀書;他甚至邀請(qǐng)亞瑟一起共進(jìn)午餐。但是學(xué)期結(jié)束后，史帝夫似乎較冷淡了，這兩個(gè)以前的同學(xué)在學(xué)校不常碰面了。有一天，亞瑟決定打電話給史帝夫，史帝夫似乎沒有興趣和他講話，對(duì)于史帝夫態(tài)度的改變，亞瑟感到受傷害。「史帝夫曾說我們是朋友，」亞瑟抱怨，「而且我認(rèn)為一朝是朋友就永遠(yuǎn)是朋友。」
亞瑟有點(diǎn)困惑了，對(duì)于美國文化，他是個(gè)局外人(外行)。他不了解美國人對(duì)友誼的看法。美國人把「朋友」這個(gè)字用得非常廣泛，一般的泛泛之交和親密伙伴都算是朋友。美國人的朋友包含有學(xué)校的朋友、工作的朋友、運(yùn)動(dòng)的朋友或是街坊鄰居。這些友誼都是建立在共同的興趣上，當(dāng)共同從事的活動(dòng)結(jié)束時(shí)，友誼也可能跟著消失了。現(xiàn)在，史帝夫和亞瑟不再是同學(xué)，他們的「友誼」也就改變了。
在一些文化里，友誼意即兩人之間一種強(qiáng)烈的，一世之久的情感。在這些文化里，友誼發(fā)展得慢，因?yàn)橐志谩５绹莻€(gè)急速變化的社會(huì)，有些研究發(fā)現(xiàn)每年每五個(gè)美國家庭之中，就有一個(gè)家庭搬家。美國人的友誼建立得快，但也可能改變得快。
從美國來的人可能剛開始看起來很親切。美國人常能很容易地和陌生人聊天，他們交換關(guān)于自己的家庭、興趣和工作的個(gè)人資料，他們可能熱情地微笑說「祝你有愉快的一天」或是「待會(huì)兒見」，而同學(xué)也許會(huì)說「我們找一天聚聚」，但是美國人的友善并不意謂真正的友誼。
經(jīng)過像亞瑟的經(jīng)歷之后，局外人也許會(huì)視美國人為善變的。了解美國人如何看待友誼，能夠幫助非美國人士避免誤會(huì)，也能幫助他們以美國人的方式交朋友。
以下是一些和美國人交朋友的秘訣：
1.到一些美國人喜歡去的地方：宴會(huì)、教會(huì)、西餐廳、公園和健身房。
2.樂意跨出第一步，不要等他們來接近你。在中國的美國人不知道你會(huì)不會(huì)講英語。如果他們不會(huì)講你的語言，他們可能覺得不好意思。
3.以閑聊來展開話題，問他們來自哪里，為什么到中國等等。切記：注意避免非常私人的問題，例如年齡、薪水、婚姻狀況和長相。
4.對(duì)他們的文化、國家或者工作表示興趣。(美國人喜歡談?wù)撟约?
5.邀請(qǐng)他們和你一起吃飯或喝茶。要講定時(shí)間，否則，美國人有時(shí)會(huì)用一些一般性的邀請(qǐng)，像「找個(gè)時(shí)間聚聚吧!」，但這只是表示友善的方法而非真正的邀請(qǐng)。
