說(shuō)話是門(mén)藝術(shù): 千萬(wàn)不要對(duì)別人說(shuō)的6句話

You have just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face, but the issue is not about what you’ve said, it’s about what they’ve heard.

你說(shuō)錯(cuò)話了，對(duì)方正怒火中燒的看著你，往往這類問(wèn)題的關(guān)鍵不是在于你說(shuō)了什么，而是他們聽(tīng)到的東西。

There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas, killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends, family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.

下面這幾句話可以看成是致命的沉默忍者，抹殺自信，敵對(duì)朋友，家人和同事——最糟糕的的就是你甚至都意識(shí)不到。

Here are 6 things you should never say to someone:

下面這六句話你千萬(wàn)不要對(duì)別人說(shuō)：

1. “I don’t care”

“我無(wú)所謂”

What they hear: “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”

他們聽(tīng)到的是：“別管我，我懶得聽(tīng)你們說(shuō)，我有更好的事情去做。”

Explain why you would love to hear about that subject, and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence: If people matter for you, you will matter for them.

解釋一下你對(duì)這些其實(shí)很感興趣，只是現(xiàn)在不是最好的時(shí)機(jī)去傾聽(tīng)。每個(gè)人都很重要。不關(guān)心別人就是忽視他們的存在感，如果別人在意你，你也需要在意他們。

2. “You’re wrong”

“你錯(cuò)了”

What they hear: “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”

他們聽(tīng)到的是：“你是個(gè)笨蛋，你知道什么啊，你簡(jiǎn)直一文不值”。

Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”, “My understanding is that…” Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.

不如換成更加隱晦的句子：“我早就應(yīng)該想到...” “我的理解是...” 問(wèn)問(wèn)題能保證你和其他人在商榷同一個(gè)假設(shè)。

3. “You can’t do it”

“你做不到的”

What they hear: “You don’t have what it takes to do it, no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try?”

他們聽(tīng)到的是：“無(wú)論你多努力，都沒(méi)有能力做到，那干嘛還要去嘗試呢？”

Why would you set someone up for failure? I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions, and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves, but I would like to ask you: how can you judge what is good for somebody? And what if failure was the best path for growth? Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.

為什么總把別人和失敗綁在一起？我懂你其實(shí)不希望你朋友產(chǎn)生幻覺(jué)，你覺(jué)得阻止他們是你的責(zé)任，可以使他們免于受傷，但我還是想問(wèn)問(wèn)你：你憑什么替別人去判斷事物的好壞？失敗難道不是成長(zhǎng)最好的途徑嗎？對(duì)那些走在充滿挑戰(zhàn)道路上的人一絲鼓勵(lì)吧。

4. “This should be easy”

“這個(gè)應(yīng)該不難”

What they hear: “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it, there is probably something wrong about you”

他們聽(tīng)到的是：“這對(duì)大部分人來(lái)說(shuō)都很簡(jiǎn)單，如果你覺(jué)得難，那就是你有問(wèn)題了。”

The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone, and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy, then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.

難度標(biāo)準(zhǔn)對(duì)于每個(gè)人而言是不一樣的，每個(gè)人都有自己珠穆朗瑪峰。如果你告訴別人他們的工作很簡(jiǎn)單，其實(shí)無(wú)形中你在低估他們對(duì)社會(huì)的貢獻(xiàn)，你就是在告訴他們不配拿到那么高的工資。

If someone is struggling and coming for help, then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”.

如果有人遇到問(wèn)題需要幫助，他們正是因?yàn)樾湃文悴艜?huì)向你展現(xiàn)出自己的弱點(diǎn)。別再說(shuō)”這不難啊“這樣的話啦，跟扇他們耳光沒(méi)啥區(qū)別。

Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.

了解人們面對(duì)的挑戰(zhàn)，根據(jù)他們的能力幫助他們?nèi)タ朔?/p>

5. “I told you so”

“我早就告訴過(guò)你了”

What they hear: “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”

他們聽(tīng)到的是：“你不聽(tīng)我的，都是你的錯(cuò)，我比你優(yōu)秀多了。”

This one is a common no-no. It’s useless to shoot a dead horse, especially when other person needs your help more than ever. Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition, the one keeping tabs would be the one losing.

這句話真心不要說(shuō)。馬后炮真的一點(diǎn)意義都沒(méi)有，尤其是別人無(wú)比需要你的幫助的時(shí)候。不要再去糾結(jié)于誰(shuí)是對(duì)的誰(shuí)是錯(cuò)的。如果有個(gè)比賽，那個(gè)總是糾結(jié)的人絕對(duì)是輸家。

Help the other person, and don’t add insult to injury.

幫助別人，不要再在別人的傷口上撒鹽。

6. “As I just said before…”

“就像我之前說(shuō)過(guò)的”

What they hear: “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb.”

他們聽(tīng)到的是：“你不聽(tīng)我的，你讓我重復(fù)說(shuō)，多煩人多笨啊。”

This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it, then you’re killing their willingness to learn, or even to have a slight interest in what you say.

這絕對(duì)是對(duì)話殺手。如果有人問(wèn)你問(wèn)題，你指出已經(jīng)回答過(guò)了，那么其實(shí)你已經(jīng)扼殺了他們想要學(xué)習(xí)的欲望，甚至是對(duì)你話語(yǔ)的一丁點(diǎn)興趣。

Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.

換個(gè)方式表達(dá)，這樣才能與眾不同一點(diǎn)。

（實(shí)習(xí)編輯：于曉偉）

You have just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face, but the issue is not about what you’ve said, it’s about what they’ve heard.
你說(shuō)錯(cuò)話了，對(duì)方正怒火中燒的看著你，往往這類問(wèn)題的關(guān)鍵不是在于你說(shuō)了什么，而是他們聽(tīng)到的東西。
There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas, killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends, family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.
下面這幾句話可以看成是致命的沉默忍者，抹殺自信，敵對(duì)朋友，家人和同事——最糟糕的的就是你甚至都意識(shí)不到。
Here are 6 things you should never say to someone:
下面這六句話你千萬(wàn)不要對(duì)別人說(shuō)：
1. “I don’t care”
“我無(wú)所謂”
What they hear: “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”
他們聽(tīng)到的是：“別管我，我懶得聽(tīng)你們說(shuō)，我有更好的事情去做。”
Explain why you would love to hear about that subject, and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence: If people matter for you, you will matter for them.
解釋一下你對(duì)這些其實(shí)很感興趣，只是現(xiàn)在不是最好的時(shí)機(jī)去傾聽(tīng)。每個(gè)人都很重要。不關(guān)心別人就是忽視他們的存在感，如果別人在意你，你也需要在意他們。
2. “You’re wrong”
“你錯(cuò)了”
What they hear: “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”
他們聽(tīng)到的是：“你是個(gè)笨蛋，你知道什么啊，你簡(jiǎn)直一文不值”。
Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”, “My understanding is that…” Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.
不如換成更加隱晦的句子：“我早就應(yīng)該想到...” “我的理解是...” 問(wèn)問(wèn)題能保證你和其他人在商榷同一個(gè)假設(shè)。
3. “You can’t do it”
“你做不到的”
What they hear: “You don’t have what it takes to do it, no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try?”
他們聽(tīng)到的是：“無(wú)論你多努力，都沒(méi)有能力做到，那干嘛還要去嘗試呢？”
Why would you set someone up for failure? I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions, and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves, but I would like to ask you: how can you judge what is good for somebody? And what if failure was the best path for growth? Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.
為什么總把別人和失敗綁在一起？我懂你其實(shí)不希望你朋友產(chǎn)生幻覺(jué)，你覺(jué)得阻止他們是你的責(zé)任，可以使他們免于受傷，但我還是想問(wèn)問(wèn)你：你憑什么替別人去判斷事物的好壞？失敗難道不是成長(zhǎng)最好的途徑嗎？對(duì)那些走在充滿挑戰(zhàn)道路上的人一絲鼓勵(lì)吧。
4. “This should be easy”
“這個(gè)應(yīng)該不難”
What they hear: “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it, there is probably something wrong about you”
他們聽(tīng)到的是：“這對(duì)大部分人來(lái)說(shuō)都很簡(jiǎn)單，如果你覺(jué)得難，那就是你有問(wèn)題了。”
The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone, and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy, then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.
難度標(biāo)準(zhǔn)對(duì)于每個(gè)人而言是不一樣的，每個(gè)人都有自己珠穆朗瑪峰。如果你告訴別人他們的工作很簡(jiǎn)單，其實(shí)無(wú)形中你在低估他們對(duì)社會(huì)的貢獻(xiàn)，你就是在告訴他們不配拿到那么高的工資。
If someone is struggling and coming for help, then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”.
如果有人遇到問(wèn)題需要幫助，他們正是因?yàn)樾湃文悴艜?huì)向你展現(xiàn)出自己的弱點(diǎn)。別再說(shuō)”這不難啊“這樣的話啦，跟扇他們耳光沒(méi)啥區(qū)別。
Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.
了解人們面對(duì)的挑戰(zhàn)，根據(jù)他們的能力幫助他們?nèi)タ朔?br /> 5. “I told you so”
“我早就告訴過(guò)你了”
What they hear: “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”
他們聽(tīng)到的是：“你不聽(tīng)我的，都是你的錯(cuò)，我比你優(yōu)秀多了。”
This one is a common no-no. It’s useless to shoot a dead horse, especially when other person needs your help more than ever. Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition, the one keeping tabs would be the one losing.
這句話真心不要說(shuō)。馬后炮真的一點(diǎn)意義都沒(méi)有，尤其是別人無(wú)比需要你的幫助的時(shí)候。不要再去糾結(jié)于誰(shuí)是對(duì)的誰(shuí)是錯(cuò)的。如果有個(gè)比賽，那個(gè)總是糾結(jié)的人絕對(duì)是輸家。
Help the other person, and don’t add insult to injury.
幫助別人，不要再在別人的傷口上撒鹽。
6. “As I just said before…”
“就像我之前說(shuō)過(guò)的”
What they hear: “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb.”
他們聽(tīng)到的是：“你不聽(tīng)我的，你讓我重復(fù)說(shuō)，多煩人多笨啊。”
This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it, then you’re killing their willingness to learn, or even to have a slight interest in what you say.
這絕對(duì)是對(duì)話殺手。如果有人問(wèn)你問(wèn)題，你指出已經(jīng)回答過(guò)了，那么其實(shí)你已經(jīng)扼殺了他們想要學(xué)習(xí)的欲望，甚至是對(duì)你話語(yǔ)的一丁點(diǎn)興趣。
Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.
換個(gè)方式表達(dá)，這樣才能與眾不同一點(diǎn)。
（實(shí)習(xí)編輯：于曉偉）